Tuesday, May 24, 2011

i've had days where i've thought seriously about cutting myself. it only happens when i'm in one of my deep depressive moods and i feel bad for myself, but i've thought about it. the act of cutting my skin, making myself bleed, it's something i've thought i deserved. i never acted on these thoughts until the other day. i wanted to see if i really could do it and what feelings would come up from doing it. i took an x-acto blade and tried to run it across my stomach, but i couldn't. i couldn't do it. there was too much pain. at first i felt weak that i couldn't take it but then i had to hit myself and realize that this was stupid.

tonight was a pretty night...my favorite time is when the trees make a silhouette against the light sky. the sun going down is bright  behind the dark mountains making everything sparkle. sometimes i fail to realize just how lucky i am to live in this beautiful place.

jealousy sucks.

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