I read something today on eatingdisorderblogs.com that really hit me. It said, "I am here to learn, to grow, to love—not to die from an eating disorder." This is so true. Why live in continual hell when you only have this one life to live?
Today was a bad day. I don't feel like I stayed on track with eating. I counted calories and it just made me feel awful. I can't fucking tell when I'm hungry. I always seem hungry but don't want to be. I feel so out of control when I eat. I feel so guilty after I eat, like I just did something horrible. I feel gross and fat. I hate thinking about food and I hate eating it. God.
I knew there were going to be days like these but today I just really hate myself. I feel mad and sad and everything else. I just want everything to go fucking away. Why can't I just be free?