Thursday, May 26, 2011

i find it funny and quite interesting how some days when i look in the mirror i like my body. i see a beautiful young women (scary word!), i see me and i accept it. but then other days i look in the mirror and i'm horrified. i have to turn away because all i see is grossness. it's also funny to me how one day i all i can see is fat and the next all i can see is skin and bones. i think this is due to the fact that some days i let ed rule (aka the days where i see fat) and other days i let my heart rule (aka the days where i see skin and bones). i guess it's better to be stuck in the middle of the two instead of all ed, but ideally i want all heart.

today i had an appointment with my naturopathic doctor to check in about the supplements she gave me. she thought i seemed and looked happier and more energetic. i think she's right, i do feel more energized and happier but i still feel like some days are better than others, but that's normal right? i still feel anxious and such but i do feel like in certain situations i can control it better. i feel like i have more confidence and more of a backbone than before. so that's good i guess.

i got a sandwich at the health food store after the appointment and i'm already regretting it. i feel gross, like i just binged on an overly enormous amount of food, but that's just ed talking. the sandwich was turkey and cheese with spinach and all good stuff so really my body is thanking me for it and all the nutrients i just fed it. this is what i have to remember, that my body is so thankful when i give it nourishment and that i am not caring for myself if i don't (no matter what ed says!). i had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't going to kill me and that i was still going to wake up tomorrow, and in fact, if i didn't have it, that probably would kill me and if i can't start feeding my body enough then i won't wake up tomorrow for a totally different reason.

there comes a point when gum is just no longer good...that point has come...well doesn't this suck. now what?

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