from old journal:
i used to wonder what the hell was wrong with me. why couldn't i ever stay on the right and healthy path? but then i finally realized that i was on the right and healthy path all along. every misstep was part of the journey and it all mattered, and i was right where i was supposed to be. recovery is not perfect. it's messy. i had to (and still have to) believe this fact and let go of the guilt and shame of not getting everything prefect. i had to (and still have to) realize that recovery is not an overnight thing, it's a long process, there are going to be many ups and downs along the way and that is okay. it's supposed to happen, because that is how you learn.