Friday, January 18, 2013

{new website, new journey}

Hey Loves!

I just wanted to make the official announcement that I have MOVED! You can now find me at 

I decided to create something new because my blog is changing a bit...I'm still going to be writing about eating disorder recovery and other things, but I want to add in some jewelry posts, art posts and also some fitness things! 

I also have a brand new products page on the new blog where you can view my artwork and order some if you want! And....I have created an awesome newsletter called Quote of the Day, where you can sign up to receive daily inspirational quotes from me! How cool is that?!

I will be slowly transferring favorite post and whatnot to the new website so it should have the same look and feel! 

I really hope you can join me on this new journey <3

Don't forget to like up my facebook page too!



Wednesday, January 16, 2013

{Keys to a Successful Recovery: Courage}

Courage is when you're afraid
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain
But you keep on living anyway
{Lyrics from Courage by Orianthi}

The third key to a successful recovery is courage. It goes hand-in-hand with wisdom because if you have the wisdom to know what is best and what you need to do, you must have the courage to do those things and stand up for them. 

I wrote a post all about what courage meant to me here if you want to check it out, but just to do an overview. Courage, to me is about being true to who you are on the inside and being able to express your true self. Courage is also facing fears, taking risks and being vulnerable. And sometimes courage is not a big event, but rather something as small as trying again tomorrow.

When you struggle with an eating disorder, courage is so important. Without being courageous, there is no way you can keep on going, keep on pushing, and keep on trying each and every day. It takes courage to get up every single day and try again. And it's not easy, I've been there. I remember days when I would lie down at night and hope I wouldn't wake up because everything was just too hard. But I also had days where I would wake up and would keep plugging along, and I would never give up. 

When you have the wisdom to know what you are supposed to do, you only have half of the equation. Courage is the missing link. You can talk all you want about the things you have to do and what you are going to do, but if you can't find the courage within, talk is all there will ever be. Courage is the action that comes after the talk. 

I remember I would go on walks with my mom and talk the whole time about what I was doing to myself, how much I wanted to change and telling her what I needed to do, but when push came to shove, my courage wasn't there yet and I continued down the same road with the same behaviors. 

Finding courage isn't easy. it can be difficult to be brave in the midst of uncomfortable or overwhelming times, but it's possible. 

The best way to find courage is to take a risk. Try that cupcake you just baked. Take a bite of something that makes you tremble. Don't go to the gym for one day. Just do something that goes against Ed's plans for once. It's hard but I guarantee you'll find great strength in those fearful moments. 

You are a lot stronger than you think you are, and no body said you had to believe what you think. 

Courage will bring you through the rough patches and one day you'll be able to look back and realize just how strong you really were. 

Go out and be brave! Do something scary!

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ?I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.? You must do the thing you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

{What if You Were Healed?}

One of the best books I have read recently is called Emotional Wellness by Osho, and in it he talks about so many different things, but one thing in particular hit me and it hit me hard. 

He goes into this idea that people cling to their illnesses or diseases because they are afraid that without them, who will they be?

This was so crazy to me because I have always felt this way but had never heard anyone else talk about it in the honesty that he uses. I've experienced this first hand throughout my whole recovery and have also seen people do this as well. 

In regards to my recovery, I remember days where I would be so depressed that I would want to die, but in a weird way I would like it. I would cling to those feelings of sadness because they were all I had and I felt special for having them. 

It sounds pretty messed up I know, but it's real. This is why it took me so long to finally see the light. I was so intrigued by my wounds and sadness and I was all "oh poor me, why me?" that I couldn't get out of it. I held onto this shit because it served me in some crazy way and I was scared to find out what would happen if I let everything go. 

Osho goes on to say how people actually enjoy their illnesses because it gives them something to talk about, complain about. But what happens if they're problems were gone? They wouldn't know what to talk about and there would be nothing for them to enjoy. 

He believes that people are happy about their misery, which I think is true. I know some girls from treatment who post all about their lives and how horrible the Ed is and how they are so sick, and might die, but why are they doing that? It has always confused me but now it makes sense. They are happy for their misery in some way, and this has been true for me too at times. But I think it comes down to a need for attention. And I know that everyone says that having an eating disorder is not for attention but what if that is part of it? It was for me, even though I didn't want to admit it. I needed my dad to notice me and not just my brother. I wanted my mom's attention when she was babysitting all those little kids all day. I felt lonely inside, so I needed other people to notice that I was alive. And I have a feeling these other girls have some of this too. Or maybe I'm just crazy!

But seriously, why would you post these images/words as if you were actually proud to have this deadly illness? I mean it's not something to be ashamed of, but why be proud of it either? It still baffles me in so many ways. 

So what would happen if you really were healed? What if you woke up and there was no eating disorder or anxiety, but it was just you, as you? What would you enjoy? What would make you happy and what would you talk about?

Just some thoughts :)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

{Keys for a Successful Recovery: Wisdom}

If you haven't already, please read my first post in this series about endurance. Because after you have mastered the skill of sticking with your recovery, you can move into the wisdom realm of it.


Wisdom in your recovery from anorexia or any eating disorder is crucial because without it, your judgement is going to be off and knowing which way to turn next will be a difficult question.

To me wisdom is a combination of a couple things. One, wisdom is knowing what you need, when you need it and how you need it. And two, wisdom is knowing the real truth behind your actions and being honest with those truths.

In the early stages of my anorexia, I was afraid to tell myself the truth. I was terrified that if I spoke about my problems out loud or really acknowledged an issue, that I would be worse off in some way or something bad would happen.Turns out the complete opposite was true. When I finally was able to face up to what was really going on inside my head, I was able to take back control and find a way to heal.

Another thing I learned throughout my eight years of fighting Ed, was how to listen to my heart and truly follow it. When you are struggling to recover you are also working on trying to find yourself in the process which can lead to learning a lot about who you are on the inside.When I started learning things about myself, I was able to know what would work for me or not, what was helpful, what wasn't, what I liked and disliked. And this pertained to both treatment related things and just plain life things.

I can remember a specific time when I was talking with a therapist and she wanted to give me a suggestion to help me. She thought that it would be a good idea to do weekly weigh-ins at the doctors, but I remember telling her that it wouldn't work for me, as it was extremely triggering and negative. I knew myself well enough to know what would work and what wouldn't in terms of my recovery and I was able to stand up for myself in this respect. 

Having the wisdom within your heart to follow what you know is the best thing for you is going to make all the difference. This can also go the other way when you know you shouldn't be doing a certain behavior. You know it's not going to help you, so you must have the wisdom to recognize what you are doing in order to have hope that you can change. 

One last thing about wisdom, I found in the serenity prayer, which goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Wisdom is needed to understand the different between the things you can change and the things you can't. There were many things throughout my recovery that I wished I could change, like the size of my hips or the fact that food was needed for survival, but knowing this was what made all the difference. 
"I was born with these hips and there is no way to change my bone structure to make them thinner so suck it up and accept yourself" is what I would tell myself constantly. And it worked, because today I don't fret over the size of my hip bones anymore, they are unique to me and I love them! 

A wise person is a happy person. Practice wisdom daily. 

And never forget to honor who you are inside. 

{Please share this post with anyone who you think could benefit from it! Along with the other posts in this series!}