i remember in sixth grade trying to take up the least amount of space on the wooden benches we had. i try my best to take up the least amount of space everywhere i go. hence the fact that i don't wan to be big or feel fat because the smaller you are, thus the less amount of space you take up. i need to figure this out a little bit more.
some things i found in my old journal:
april 11, 2010
REMEMBER WHAT ID IMPORTANT TO YOU
i learned that being yourself is a hard thing to do..there will always be people that you wish you could be like, but you have to find that inner part of yourself where you know you are great just the way you are.
if i were to die tomorrow, i would have a lot of regrets for the things i didn't do. i wouldn't have lived the life i wished for myself. how can i remind myself today to embrace each moment and to take in everything i see for it could be the last i see at any moment?
Let me be myself
That's all i ask for
Let me like the things i like
Let me be worthy of goodness
Please tell me i am good enough
I don't want to be lonely
I need help
WHO YOU REALLY ARE IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN NO BODY IS WATCHING
"and you will stumble at times, forgetting what you want, falling head first into your old habits and beliefs. but fear not! that is to be expected. whenever you challenge the old ways with the new ones, the old ways will fight tooth and nail."
"Be like a lotus, opening your heart to drink in the morning sun."
There will be moments when fear will overtake you, and make your head spin. the fear that you will lose control, of being weird, of giving up the familiar and comfortable for what is surely to be unfamiliar and uncomfortable. but, "when you are comfortable, you are not growing."
What am i rally trying to control when i keep myself from eating?
There is a divine order to everything in life. it is for this reason that exactly where you are at any givien time in life, is exactly where you are meant to be.
"Stop wasting time on earth with hiding yourself. let you true self shine, because that's what other people want to see. you don't have to worry about what other people think of you because you are you, and no body else can do what you do. you have to appreciate and believe in yourself and that is when you are free."
Is the situation dark? or are you obscuring the light with your own ego?
are people really trying to hurt you, or are they simply unaware of your feelings?
"but nowhere is it dictated that you must be what others want you to be when their wished conflict with what you want for yourself."
"I only allow that which is good into my life. no one can depress me. no one can make me anxious. no one can hurt my feelings. no one can make me anything other than what i allow inside." -wayne dyer