i've always had an odd fascination with scars and cuts. i guess i like the way they make you look tough and although i'm not a big fan of the actual pain of getting them, i love having cuts or scars. i'm pretty interesting.
the beach is nice today. i found this secret beach here and laid out in the sun for a little while. i see people across the lake on the main beach. i wonder if they can see me over here. i should wave or something. maybe not.
i watched a video on youtube today while waiting for ben to get home about this lady who weighed 66 pounds. she was on some talk show and she looked absolutely atrocious. her legs were toothpicks, her stomach and face, clearly emancipated and her arms were literally just bones. i felt an odd sense of motivation after watching her and hearing her talk about how she thought she was fat. not motivation to continue to be like her as ed wishes, but motivation to recovery and be healthy. when i see anorexics like this it really makes me realize how unattractive it is to be that way and just how disgusting it really does look. i wish so much that people (and myself included) who are suffering from this deadly disease could realize just how amazing they truly are and how beautiful they are on the inside and realize that they don't need to starve their precious bodies to near skeletons in order to be accepted. i wish that we could all just accept ourselves and be happy with that because if you accept who we are, others will accept us for who we are as well. i wish we didn't believe the lies ed tells us. we are all so beautiful.