She'll Be Free

i swear theres something in the shower that makes you look bigger than you really are. watching the water roll down my stomach and hit the tub, i have to look away. i hate the size of my stomach when i am looking down. i once saw this kid on tv for some weight loss program show thing and after he lost the weight, the first thing he said was 'wow, i can see my feet again' (like when he looked down he could see his feet because before he could due to his stomach). every time i take a shower i think about that...i try to jut my stomach out so i can no longer see my feet and then suck it in as far as possible to see the difference. it's an odd ritual. confession: i still sometimes wear a bathing suit into the shower because i am not totally comfortable with my body. i did this since the start of the anorexia.