Friday, September 16, 2011

went to a support group last night at this place in liverpool, ny. it was a group for ed sufferers and since i had never gone to any type of support group i thought i'd give it a try. i almost didn't go because ed tried to talk me out of it. he was all like: you can't go because you'll be the biggest one there, everyone else is going to be skinny and it'll just make you feel bad. this was tempting because i knew it wasn't that far from the truth. i knew that if i ended up going and all the other girls were smaller, then, yes, i would feel pretty bad about myself but i think ed didn't want me to go just because the fact that i was making a step to reach out and get better.
anyways, i ended up making myself go and it was fine. i really didn't know what to expect, but i found that i liked it. there was one other girl there who was my age, one girl there who was scary skinny and three older (like over 50) women there. we weren't allowed to talk about any behaviors or about what type of ed we had or anything so that was good and i wasn't pressured into talking which i was relieved about. although one of the older women was all like "everyone should talk...i get annoyed when not everybody shares" and so on. i felt kinda bad but maybe next week i'll share more.
the other girl that was my age was cool, i kinda want to get to know her better and maybe be friends.
there was a couple things that were said that made me think and one of those things was a thought that i had had not too long ago about how, instead of thinking about food as something that would make me fat or uncomfortable, think about it as a source of life-giving energy, think about what the nutrients in the certain type of food are doing for my body and how it's nourishing me. the girl who was sitting next to me said this exact same thing last night so that was interesting.
one thing that struck me was how, if i saw these people on the street and didn't know anything about them, i would never suspect that they had an ed of any kind. the girl sitting next to me was obviously very sick so she doesn't count because if i saw her outside the group i could probably guess that she had anorexia. but with the others i would have no clue, they'd just be people who i viewed as normal people with no anyway, yeah...not quite sure where i'm going with all this but basically i want to go back next week to this group and in the meantime, realize that even though i may not notice from the outside, everybody has something (maybe ed) that they're dealing with. no body is perfect. no body is free from troubles. i'm not alone.

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