Monday, September 19, 2011

went to see Amanda at the wellness center this morning. i felt like it went well. better than well actually. i shared and talked about stuff that i have never even shared with my mom before. usually i keep it to myself and feel alone with it but i let it out and didn't feel guilty or bad about it. come to find out, the things that i have been feeling are very common and a lot of people feel the same way. learn something new everyday.

last night i told ben some things that have been on my mind a lot lately. i've been feeling kinda hopeless about the future and not really looking forward to life in general and the main reason, i think, is the fact that i don't want to grow up. i believe that is my biggest issue and everything stems from that for the most part. i am afraid of growing up and having all the responsibilities associated with that so i tried to stop my body from becoming a women and thus making me feel like a kid still...time still runs though and thus i'm growing up no matter if i want to or not, right now i'm just not liking it. i hate being on my own and having to rely on myself for things because i don't believe i am strong enough to grow up yet...  

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