P28 High Protein Bread Review

Hello again peeps!!

So as I mentioned in my last post...I have a review for you! The amazing people over at P28 Bread sent me a couple samples of their high protein bread to try...

High Protein Bagels:

High Protein Bread:

Crazy amounts of protein!!!

As soon as Ben and I opened the bags we were already wondering what it would taste like...we weren't sure if we'd be able to taste the whey or not. Ben was wondering how they would make it taste good with all that protein, as was I!

To our surprise, the bread was very good and tasted pretty much like regular bread except a little more dense and a bit chewy but yummy!

The bagels, I tried this morning, and I'd say they were pretty awesome! I only had half as it filled me up fast but with some jelly and peanut butter, it was amazing!

These breads and bagels would make great pizzas I think...hmm maybe and idea for the future!?!

Have you ever tried P28 bread? If so, did you like it?

Proud of Myself Friday

Hellloooo Friiidaaaay!!

Actually Friday seems to have lost it's excitement again this week (sorry for being negative)...Ben is leaving in two days and I won't see him again until May. It's hard being apart, as he's what makes my whole world go around but it makes me really appreciate the time I have with him and all that he does for me. I know I am truly blessed.

Ben and I 

Anyways, I really do have some things to talk about today (besides Ben!)...while I was working out this morning, a couple things were nagging at me and I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget them.

The first thing has been something I've always had an issue with but this past week with Ben it has really shown itself....I HATE THE GYM. It's not that I hate working out (no way!), it's just the environment that I absolutely hate, all the people and the potential judgments they are making and I always feel like I'm being watched and stared at. So with this, I never go to the gym and instead workout at home, surrounded by me, myself and I.

But when Ben came home he wanted to go to the gym so I went but only did the bike and treadmill (which was fine) but no weights. I am scared to even walk into the weight room because it's all big muscular, intimidating guys and I'm just a little weak girl...so yeah, I feel a bit out of place. 

Ben attempted to show me around and wanted to workout with me but my fear outweighed the want... unfortunately. I wish I was better at just doing things and forgetting what other people might think. Maybe some day.

The other thing that made me think this week was when I weighed myself at Ben's house (I don't own a scale and for good reason). Last time I weighed myself I was happy at the low number, but this time I was expecting and even looking forward to seeing a higher number but I was disappointed when it read less than the last time! Oh no! How the frig could I have lost weight? I upped my calories and started lifting weights...doesn't muscle weigh more than fat? I should have built at least some muscle, so therefore my weight should have gone up. But no. Nothing.

The hardest part though is feeling like I have gained some and yet the scale says I haven't...how could this be? How can I feel gross and disgusting when my weight is so low? No comprendo.

Anyways, now I really have to get my act together or nothings going to change. Blah. I am also hitting a wall these past couple of days because I have been having stomach issues and bloating so it's making me feel ten times bigger and therefore ten times more gross. Ed loves this though, he thrives off of making me feel fat. Grr. I am also due for my period in a couple of days so that doesn't help any either, as I tend to bloat and feel heavier and disgusting.

Wow, that was really negative...

This is something I have to constantly remind myself of...feelings won't last forever, Tay, you'll be fine. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's a struggle.


On a more positive note, I got a call from the doctor at Mass General Hospital about my bone density test I did and everything is close to normal. My hips are a little low but other than that I'm a healthy girl! Yay for me! I haven't decided if I want to do the full study or not yet...hmmm.

And finally, as in the title of this post, I want to continue my list of things that I am proud of myself for:

• not freaking when I couldn't workout twice this week.
• making dinner on the whim with Ben and Ed was no where to be found.
• eating pasta with Ben (pasta is a fear food)
• eating roast beef that Ben cooked in...wait for it...BUTTER!
• going to the gym and facing some of my fears.
• eating steak dinner with Ben and his family...trying the mashed potatoes too!
• staying relativity calm and happy this whole out-of-wack week!

It's fun to look back and realize what I did that I'm proud of...it makes me notice where I'm making progress and to really take in my accomplishments. I like feeling proud of myself...it's a nice feeling. 

On a totally unrelated note, I got a package today from the P28 company...they sell high protein bread so be looking out for a review soon!!

Hope you all have an awesome weekend!! 

What are you proud of? How are you making progress?

<3

WIAW #3: Still Learning but Making Progress

Hellloooo lovelies!

This week has been kind of off for me (in a good way)...Ben got home Saturday for spring break, so obviously I have been wanting to spend as much time as possible with him, but it's been hard for me because it's a sure stray from my usual routine and this is quite scary!

It's made me realize and question some of my behaviors as well though, which is always a learning process but it's worth it.

The biggest thing that is a red flag for me is comparing my eats with Ben's...I feel like I get hungry more often and thus feel like I'm always eating more than he is (which Ed obviously hates!). It's been hard for me to continue to just eat what I eat and move on, I'm getting too caught up in trying to figure out what he's eating and when and how much just to make sure I don't have more.

This is messed up, don't worry, I know! I'm working on it but it's slow.

I woke up early, as Tucker woke me up by his constant scratching at my door...grr he's so annoying! 

Anyways, it was good because I got up and worked out before Ben got up. I have been having trouble doing my regular workouts because I've been at his house a lot lately. I did a full body strength routine and it was nice! I was starving by the end!

Chobani yogurt with oats, bee pollen, chia seeds,
and raw cocao powder..I had a spoonful of white chocolate peanut
butter as well :)

Ben finally woke up at ten something! So late. I made him a nice pretty omelet but failed to snap a picture before he ate it all :p

I cleaned up the whole house (so my mom would be happy) and then just hung around for a bit watching tv. It's so nice having Ben here again...I've missed him so much and he makes me so happy...it's just Ed that screws everything up and puts a huge damper on everything. 

I'm learning to just let go and let things play out and try to relax but it's hard, as I'm such a planner! I always have to have a plan for everything and with Ben all plans go out the window so yeah, I kinda freak out. 

Ezekiel bread with laughing cow cheese and jelly
with cottage cheese, tabbouleh, and peppers

I wasn't hungry for a snack today so I tried to have more for lunch. Un-pictured was a spoonful of peanut butter. 

Ben and I decided to go for a walk since it was so warm out. Marlin came with us and Tucker came too...he's so cute.

Marlin on the rocks.

Ben and I headed out to subway later to get him some lunch and then got the car washed! We picked out the movie Drive and then Ben wanted some snacks (mike and ikes and seven up)...we've already seen Drive but we decided to watch it again just in case we missed something...I'm always up for seeing Ryan Gosling again so I don't mind!! haha. 

It's the oddest movie I've ever seen!

When we got back I had a snack...

I got this coconut water at the health food store while we were out and it was awesome! Very  good! The edamame were good too!

We watched The Office for a long while before cooking up some dinner...we attempted this last night but realized we needed to let the dough rise so we saved it for tonight instead.

This is the leftovers...it was kinda doughy but yummy!

Ed screamed at me while I ate it but hell I wanna live life and eat good pizza so f*ck him! I was really proud of myself for making and having this because a couple of months ago I would never have. Period. It would've been too scary for Ed but we broke up...and I'm not scared.

While we watched out movie we made hot chocolate from a mix that Ben's mom gave me. It was de-lish!

Well, that was my day! A good one in deed :)

I hope yours was just as good! 

What did you do? 

Sunday Survey Time

i love doing survey’s so here's my first one for the blog world..thanks to Janetha over at Meals and Moves for putting together this fun little survey today!! enjoy :)

A is for age: 19 :)

B is for breakfast today: blood orange chobani with oats, carob chips, bee pollen, chia seeds and white chocolate peanut butter...so yums. i found these new oats and they are good!

C is for currently craving: hmm...more carob chips! 

D is for dinner tonight: not sure yet..maybe mac n' cheese??

E is for favorite type of exercise: hiking and weight training!

F is for an irrational fear: i know lady bugs are supposed to be good luck but they freak me out...i hate them!

G is for gross food: tofu...sorry i just hate the texture.

H is for hometown: scituate, massachusetts.

I is for something important: i'd like to try to come up with something more inspiring than this but my computer is very important to me...i can't live without it!

J is for current favorite jam: polaner all fruit black cherry jelly! 

K is for kids: one day!

L is for current location: Ben's bed..watching tv while he sleeps (he's sick like a little baby awww).

M is for the most recent way you spent money: my foodie penpal box!

N is for something you need: money? haha i don't know...i can think of a lot of things i want but not sure what i really need. 

O is for occupation: student? not sure you can say that but i will be in the fall...i'm just a working girl at the moment.

P is for pet peeve: people who move slow or take a lot of time to do things (a.k.a Ben!) 

Q is for a quote: "She flies with her own wings." (my tattoo)

R is for random fact about you: i'm straight up WEIRD...just ask Ben...sometimes he's not sure what's wrong with me haha. 

i'm a weirdo...

S is for favorite healthy snack: pear and peanut butter...yumminess.

T is for favorite treat: white chocolate chips...yeah they're like heaven just sayin..

U is for something that makes you unique: uh everything! haha i don't know, i have red hair if that counts!

V is for favorite vegetable: peppers :)

W is for today’s workout: rest day for moi!

X is for X-rays you’ve had: when i broke my pelvis they took many...

Y is for yesterday’s highlight: my workout! it felt awesome..i was shaking by the end :)

Z is for your time zone: eastern daylight time...we just lost an hour :( but now it's light until like 8pm!!

so there you have it...maybe you learned something about me!! yay :) now off to cuddle with Ben and finish listening to the top twenty country countdown!!

What are you up to this Sunday afternoon?? 

I'm Proud Of Myself Friday

Weeee so it's finally Friday, which actually doesn't mean much to me, as I am not in school and my job involves me working on the weekends...so in some aspect I love Monday's more!

Anyways, I came across something in my book that I just finished called Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer and wanted to share it with you. I really loved this book by the way and I have learned so much from it, but one exercise really stood out to me. She explained how it was helpful to try to focus on the positive aspects of recovery and your life and suggested, at the end of each day, writing a list of some positive things that happened or things that you are proud of. 

I tried it out for the last two days and here is what I came up with:

• challenged myself at lunch by having two pieces of bread instead of one
• challenged myself at dinner by having a fear food: pasta
• bought gas (a whopping $3.79!) even though I didn't want to
• called my Dad finally
• put peanut butter in my yogurt at breakfast
• took a long walk with my mom and didn't freak out over having to walk fast
• focusing on loving and believing in myself while I was at work
• not being so hard on myself for making mistakes
• asking questions and for help when I didn't know what to do at work
• being enough
• telling Ben about my current food plan and accomplishments

Some of these weren't crazy difficult, like calling my Dad, but others like not being so hard on myself was quite a challenge but it paid off because it made work a lot more enjoyable and it made me feel good inside. 

The last thing on the list was something that I wasn't expecting to do just because I wasn't sure how Ben would react...sometimes when I tell him things I don't get the response I want (which is my own assumptions of course!), but last night I told him how I was struggling to get enough calories and he asked how many I was currently getting, so I told him and he responded with something I wasn't expecting. He told me how proud he was of me and what a good job I was doing. He said that the changes that I have made were so awesome and that I should be proud of myself! 

As you can tell I was semi-shocked...I was pretty ecstatic! It's awesome knowing that someone else is proud of you for something that you have worked really hard to do. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was terrified to go anything over 900 calories and now I am up to 1700!!! This usually would freak me out but I am so happy with myself for conquering this feat!! I realize I need more for all the exercise I am doing, but hey, I'm making slow progress and I'm so proud of myself :)

 

Sooooo, what are some things that you're proud of yourself for? What are some things that put a smile on your face this week??

WIAW #2: Randomness

So I'm a little late on the WIAW deal but whatever...yesterday was such a busy day for me. I left for Boston early for that study thing I mentioned last week and didn't get home until late afternoon. It was a decent drive (two and a half hours) and I am very proud to say that I didn't get lost! Even in the city, I couldn't believe it!

Anyways, I didn't really have time to record what I ate so I will be a day behind...how sad.

Some things that I will mention that happened this week so far:

Kezo

• We had to put our collie (Kezo) down...we took him to the vet after noticing he was acting strange and what do you know, he had a huge tumor in his stomach which had spread all throughout his lungs...so it's been a sad couple of days having to say goodbye to him. He was a good dog. 
• I went to Boston and got blood drawn and almost passed out because the doctor failed to notice that my arm had turned purple from the tight band they wrap around it....I was like 'um hello! I'm turning purple mister!' YIKES.
• My kitten came for a walk with my mom and I, through the woods out back of our house...it must have been an hour long walk and he trampled his little legs through the snow the whole way...such a cutie!

So enough with that...here is what I ate:

Breakfast at 7am

Blood orange chobani yogurt with bob's rolled oats,
chia seeds, bee pollen, raw chocolate powder,
carob chips and some pure caramel flavor!

I went out for a long hour long walk with my Mom and got back I was starving.

Snack at 10am:

Organic pear with dark chocolate peanut butter
and a vitamin C packet. 

I have a tendency to just eat the pear and then eat the peanut butter with a spoon...it's so much better this way.

My Mom and I then headed out to the health food store to find some protein powder and obviously came back with more than just that! Protein powder, coffee, bananas, advil, tea, kombucha, and mints!

I did my arm and ab workout as soon as I got home and then had lunch.

Lunch at 1pm:

Salad with cottage cheese, cucumber, feta cheese and dressing,
and Ezekiel bread with
laughing cow cheese and cucumber, ham and ketchup. 

I made a shake with new protein powder, half a
 banana and chocolate coconut milk!

I am realizing that it's so difficult for me to get in the amount of calories I need so I pushed ED in the corner and ate lunch with a smile, knowing I was doing myself good. I hate going to bed stuffed because I didn't just eat enough during the day. So annoying. 

My mom and I took another nice walk since it was so nice out...47 degrees! woohoo! I had acupuncture at 5pm and let's just say I looked nothing like this lady in the picture below...I'm not sure anyone would look like this while getting tiny needles stabbed into their bodies...maybe it's just me, I don't know. All I know is that yes you can feel the needles and I can still feel them even now that I am home! How wonderful right?

Dinner at 6:30pm:

Brown rice pasta with peas and kale,
topped with lemon hummus and feta cheese

I can't even remember the last time I had pasta...it has been a fear food for some time now but I figured I might as well try something new and break from routine so yeah (insert ED voice screaming at me in full force)...he'll get over it :p

Snack at 7ishpm

I had to settle for the cranbran ones because they didn't have the chocolate...oh well, they're still super yummy. 

Not sure my plans for the rest of the night...might continue watching The Voice or maybe I'll go read or draw or something...who knows!

Loving this song right now!

"Love yourself where you are, for who you are."

I came across this website called http://soworthloving.tumblr.com and it couldn't have come at a better time. I read through their first blog post and found this quote and it was exactly what I needed...check it out, it's awesome!

okay...vent time. seriously i don't know how i'm going to make it in life. i can't even do a simple fucking job. i can't talk to people and i'm just so fucking awkward around other human beings. i'm a fucking loner and guess what? that's what i want to be. i hate trying so hard and failing every fucking time. i'm trying not to be so negative but i don't know what to do...all i can see is everything that i've done and did wrong and what people must think of me. i just kinda want to climb in a really deep hole and die. 

(sorry for the all the swearing)

I think the hardest thing that I am struggling with right now is comparing what I eat to others. I do this mostly with my fiancee, looking at what he is eating and making sure I don't eat more than he does or if he doesn't eat a lot than neither will I and so on. This same thing happened with my mom at the very start of my recovery but I  somehow got over it and realized that she had different needs than me and blah, blah, blah. I mean it's obvious that my needs (food wise) are going to be different than a lot of other people, because we are all unique and our bodies all need different things to keep us in balance. It's just hard for me to accept this I guess...

I find myself constantly thinking about what Ben is eating or what how many calories he's gotten compared to me and it's just stupid...I have to stop doing this, it's not healthy and won't help me in the long run. Sure, Ed loves it, it gives him something to do and then he can beat me up about it, but I've had enough. I don't want to be focused on other people, I need to stay determined to do what is right and healthy for me.

I don't know...

soooooo, I start a new job today (four to nine) and I'm pretty super nervous. I have so many thoughts running through my mind it's not even funny. What will they think of me? What if they realize I'm not what they were looking for? Will I mess up? You get the point haha.

The job is at a local cafe down the road from my house and as far as I know, I will be waiting tables, manning the cash register, and possibly throw in some baking/kitchen help as well. The owners were extremely nice and laid back and basically said I could work whatever I wanted and since I love baking, she said we could figure something out where I could do that, which would be awesome!
I just hope it goes okay tonight. By the way she was talking, it should be that hard...she called it "easy peasy"...so hopefully I'm stressing over nothing.

One of my fears, and this is also just a general fear, is coming across as "trying to hard", as in over-dressing, fixing my hair, etc. I fear of what they're going to think of me is an easier way to put it I guess. This is something I just have to get over sooner or later...

Any who, here is the outfit I chose to wear (she said casual clothes):

Crappy ipod photo sorry:/

Just some nice jeans with a weird shirt and I straightened my hair, something I hate to do because it takes FOREVER. I figure on just wearing my sneakers as my Uggs seem like an odd choice. Looking at this photo now, maybe I'll go change my shirt...hmm...

Blah...wish me luck :)

Today I woke up to massive amounts of snow...okay so maybe not massive, but enough to definitely not want to go outside, like at all. I let my mom take the dogs out which is not something I normally would be okay with, as I freak out if I don't do it myself, but today was different. I was freezing and just didn't feel like going anywhere and so I took a leap and challenged myself to listen to these feelings and stayed in. Ed didn't like this so much but that is okay. I don't care what he likes and dislikes anymore.

A little later in the morning I started my arms/abs workout and that made me feel like I actually got something done. I tried a new protein powder today...hemp protein. It was okay, kinda a little too grainy for me though.

It's hard for me to stay inside all day and try to find things to occupy myself but I am trying to constantly remind myself to stay calm and to relax, as this is something I rarely do. It;s also hard to continue to eat what I need when I know I didn't go for a walk like I normally do, but again, I have to tell Ed no and tell myself that I need food because of my workout (and just for staying alive obviously!) Easier said than done.

I got a call back from a lady at Mass General Hospital for a study I am going to participate in and made an appointment for next week. It's a study of how being at a low weight effects bone density and estrogen levels. Not exactly sure how it works but I will find out next week when I go and oh yeah, did I mention I get paid to do it? So yeah, sign me up! haha.

Anyways, off to find more to do...blah

I hate snow!