Friday, June 24, 2011
i had an episode of eating chocolate. it probably lasted about thirty minutes or so. i just ate any chocolate that i found. i felt so disgusting afterwards. i didn't know what to do cause i just had my dinner calories in chocolate at two in the afternoon. i could hear ed in my head getting louder and there was no way i was going to do what her said. throw up. i refused. i needed to block him out or i wasn't going to get through this. there was only one thing i could do and that was forgive and forget. that is forgive myself for binging and forget it nd then i had to move on with my day. this was hard to fathom at first. how could i ever forgive myself for this horrible crime. i was surely a terrible person now. binging is so bad. but if i thought like this i'd get nowhere and just feel worse. i kept telling myself over and over again that no, i'm not a bad person and it was okay to have done what i did. it wasn't like i ate chocolate all the time. this was one day where i "had fun" with food and ate what i wanted. i had to basically tell myself to shut up and stop being such a freak. okay so i ate chocolate, and a lot of it, but what's the big deal? it was good and that's what counts right? haha.