She'll Be Free

the last couple of days have been so up and down and all over the place...one second i'm on cloud nine, all sure about what i want and positive but then the next i'm so down in the dumps and hopeless about everything...i don't know what to do. i worked two days at my new job and absolutely hated it which makes me feel like a failure (i mean when don't i feel like this?). i keep thinking about what i want to do with my life and i get really excited when i think about the dream cupcake shop and making art and stuff but get depressed when i grasp the reality of actually doing that and then thinking about how my life will be if i just get a real job. i hate thinking that life is about getting up every day and going to a job that makes you miserable...i mean there's got to be more to life than that right? but opening my own business is really far fetched and entails money...and in case you didn't already know...i don't have that! this also has me thinking about the wedding ben and i are planning for 2013 but i'm really starting to question where we're going to get the money from which makes me think that maybe we'll need to hold off for a bit and that makes me depressed...anyways, right now i feel a mixture of emotions but i guess mostly sad and kinda down. ben leaves this weekend sometime to go back to school and although i've been trying my best not to think about it, it's hitting me hard tonight. i'm trying to remind myself that it's only three months or so and in the big scheme of things it's not that long compared to the rest of our lives together right? it still hurts to know that i won't be able to laugh with him and kiss his forehead and lean on him when i'm down...at least it makes me appreciate everything he does for me and everything he means to me...