She'll Be Free

as soon as i came home my mom started picking on me saying how my eyes looked deep or something like that...i know what she means though...i look like a skeleton again. my bones are popping out everywhere and it's getting hard to hide, especially from my mom because she notices everything. i hate talking to her about it though, maybe because i know what i'm doing and i don't want to stop...or maybe it's just ed...who knows. i took a shower because i was cold and realized how bad i have gotten...i wrap my arms around myself and all i feel is ribs and shoulder blades and bonny elbows and hip bones. to some extent these things comfort me...they give me a sense of peace, but in the shower i hated them...i wanted to feel cushion for once...softness. i don't know what i'm doing. i'm killing myself again and the worst part is, is that i have no control over it...