Thursday, August 23, 2012

When I See Others Struggling

Recently I learned that two young girls I know, are struggling with eating disorders and my heart aches for them greatly.

I hate to hear that people are going through exactly what I had to go through because it was so awful and I never want to think that someone would have to face that kind of torture.

My heart dropped yesterday when my mom told me that my cousin had stopped eating and had lost a lot of weight. My first thought was, "Oh my gosh, I did this. They learned this from me." Of course I know this isn't true because my cousin lives in a entirely different state and I never really see her, but eating disorders run in families right? Right.

Anyhoo, I just feel horrible knowing that she and the other young girl are suffering like I did and there's really nothing I can do to help.

I wrote a letter to the other girl a couple of weeks ago just because I wanted to. I wanted to let her know that she wasn't alone and that I was here for her if she needed anything. I tried to write things that would have helped me when I was in her same situation seven years ago. I don't know if it helped at all.

It's a strange thing to talk about because I've been there, I've done the things these girls are just starting to do, i.e. skipping meals, exercising excessively, picking at their food, losing massive amounts of weight in short periods of time, etc. It's like I'm connected to them in some way and we all have the same things in common.

The one thing that stuck out at me the most was that these two girls love to bake. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, what's wrong with baking?" But baking, when you have an eating disorder is just a form of starving yourself. I used to cook and bake all kinds of things when I was deep into my anorexia, but I would never ever in a million years eat any of it. I would watch with hunger pains as everybody else ate everything. Hearing that this is what these girls like makes me sad. I know this is just another symptom to the illness now and it hurts to see others fall victim to Ed's lies.

I wish I could tell them that Ed is a liar and is no good. He will bring nothing good into your life whatsoever. He will take your mind and warp it until there is no turning back. He will take everything good and make it bad. He will steal things from you when you're not looking, like your friends and your good grades, and your social life. He will run your body into the ground until you are no longer living, just surviving. But most of all, he will make you believe you have complete control when in reality, you are the puppet being controlled by him day in and day out.

I wish I could tell these girls so many things, but I can't because I know it won't do much unless they know they need help. I know that when I was deep into my ED, there was nothing anyone could do or say that would help me until I finally bucked up and realized I needed help and was willing to listen.

I'm not really sure where I am going with this post but I just had to get that out. I just want to help and not have to hear about these girls suffering. I want them to be happy and avoid ending up where I was, because once you're sucked in a little, it turns into a never-ending cycle that is a bitch to get out of.


  1. I can so relate to this. I hate seeing people I know that are struggling with what I went through, we know all too well of their head games that are going on and how much pain they are in. Just remember that we really can do nothing for them but provide support and love.

  2. Seeing other people struggle is so much worse than struggling yourself. I know that very well,but in the end,you can only try to stand by their sides and make them feel better; encourage and support them whenever possible and make them feel loved. Some people accept that,some people don't,but you should never even consider thinking it was your fault 'cause it's not. Believe my,Tayla,thoughts like that will do nothing but harm.