Thursday, April 28, 2011

Yesterday was kinda weird for me. It was getting close to four, when Ben gets out of work and I decided to put a t-shirt on because it was pretty hot out. I put the shirt on and I just couldn't do it. My arms looked like skeletons again. I must have diddled with the shirt for a good twenty minutes, looking in the mirror to see my arms, fixing the sleeve to make my arms look bigger and so on. I got so angry and upset that I just put my jacket back on. I know I have lost weight and when I do, my arms are the first thing you notice looking smaller. I was upset because the las time my arms looked like this I didn't wear t-shirts all summer (which was super painful due to the heat). I was semi mad/sad the rest of the day which then led to being frustrating with other aspects of myself like my hair and stomach and so on. I think it's more of a confident issue though. If I just wore the shirt and was confident in myself and didn't care about what others thought, maybe it would have been better. I don't know.

The other thing that kind of worried me was the fact that, although I am doing really well with eating when I'm hungry, I'm not getting nearly the same as when I was counting calories. When I counted, I had a set number that I'd get every single day. But now, since I have no clue the calories I'm consuming I tend to not eat as much in fear I'll eat too many calories. It also has to do with the fact that I don't get hungry all that often. I think it's just one of those things that takes time and maybe I'll lose weight at first but then everything will settle out in the end. I don't know either.

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