I was reading one of Louise Hay's books called The Power is Within You and came across this:
"When we feel not good enough, we find ways to keep ourselves miserable."
When I read this, I said to myself, "yep, that's me." But then I got this feeling that I was proud of myself for being that way. I think that's why it's so hard for me to really love myself because I don't believe it. It's almost like I want myself to be miserable. Sometimes it feels as though that is the only thing I am good at, and it's the only way people notice me. I feel as though I deserve to feel that way, but then again I feel as though I should be happy and free. It's even hard for me to understand sometimes.
It's hard to change when the people around you don't get what you're changing for. I keep learning all this stuff about staying true to myself and loving myself and doing what is best for me, but then you try to practice that and all you get is the feeling of selfishness.