Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I keep Learning

In my junior year of high school it took losing myself, my values, my best friend, and my school work to finally realize that being yourself is all that matters.
I hadn't made a single friend and I had been here a month now. I was desperately wanting someone to laugh with and be stupid with. I gave up everything I knew in order to be the person that my new roommate liked. I changed my type of music, my clothes, my study habits, and my home life for this person. I wanted to be accepted, and I was willing to do anything it took, however I didn't realize this at the time. I went from a very good student to one who didn't care about homework or the quality of my work. I started staying up later and wearing different clothes that I wouldn't normally wear. I listened to rap and pop music instead of my usual country. Every weekend I would hang out with my new friend which meant not going home and spending time with my mom.
This lasted for several months, until I met a guy named Ben. I'm not sure how he did it but he could see through my fake personality and appearance to the real me. He saw the person I really was, the introspective lovely girl I had once been. He made me open my eyes and realize who I was becoming and who I really wanted to be.
Once I knew this, I started changing, which in turn made me lose my friend but I gained a soul mate and a true friend. I learned that being liked for the true person you are is so much better that being liked for someone you're not.

In all my years searching for the right school for me, I finally realized that it had nothing to do with schools, although all of them were different, there was something the same about them and that was me. I always thought that if only I were at the right school, I would be better, I would be me, I would make friends, I would like the teachers, and so on. But there was one problem, that never happened. No matter what school I went to I always found myself in the same boat. I didn't have friends, I hated the teachers, I hated the classes, I couldn't be myself. The issue was about me. I kept running from school to school thinking that I would find something better, when all along it was me that was holding myself back. I couldn't escape from being me. Everywhere I went I was the same.
I'm glad I'm realizing this now before college because I have to stay at one college for four years and I need to remember that it;s only myself that holds me back, not the school or the teachers or the other kids. They hold me back if I let them, but only I can make myself fly and become the person I want to become.

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