waiw: strong thoughts, strong body

Hey all, 

This week has been a huge challenge for me. In terms of Ed I have been failing majorly, but I think that it's just a giant learning process and is yet another step in recovery. 

I could choose to look at this weeks slip up as a negative thing or I could see it as something to learn from and do better with. I chose the latter. 

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(Thanks to Jen at Peas and Crayons for putting this together every week!)

Kays Protein Cereal! First time trying the cereal and it was pretty awesome, I must say. I have tried their other products (chips, pretzels, puffs) and they were amazing, and turns out the cereal is just as great!

I added some coconut flakes and cocao nibs along with some chocolate PB2 (unpictured). It was DELISH!

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I'll just go out and say it: I have been restricting big time for the last week. It has a lot to do with the fact that my exercise has dramatically decreased. I have had one too many rest days and that is when Ed came crashing through the door telling me I must not eat too much! Grr. 

Anyways, while working out today (my first official workout since last Monday gasp!) I kept repeating to myself over and over "strong, strong, strong". Ed was raging in my head, yelling at me that I have gained so much weight and that I must be skinny, skinny, skinny, so I had to scream back at him. 

I have to keep in mine that I don't want to be fragile and weak anymore. Been there, done that. It never got me anywhere but in hospital beds. Wouldn't I rather be strong and healthy and be able to run and lift and do everything I want? Durr yes!!

Sometimes I forget what my goals are and that is when Ed takes over. He tries to sway me back to his goals for me, but I won't have it. 

Get the fuck out of my life, Ed. I have my own goals now and you are not one of them. 

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Anyhoo, moving on. 

Bettey Lou's recently sent me a HUGE package of goodies and I finally got around to trying this almond butter ball. OMG it was so freakin good! I tried savoring it but it was just so darn good, it was impossible. 

My mom tried one of these blueberry fruit bars and said they were her favorite! I had one while in the car going to pick up Ben last week and I definitely agree..they are excellent!!

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I think that from this week I have learned many things, but the most important being that I can and will accept my body for what it is and continue to become stronger no matter what Ed says or does. 

I must keep pushing forward and fighting Ed with everything I have. 

I keep telling myself that everything will be worth it, even if it looks completely hopeless right now and I feel shitty about everything. One day all of this pain and torment will be worth it. 

It will be worth it when I can go out to eat with Ben and not worry about what I can or can't order. It will be worth it when Ben can cook for me without my Ed thoughts screwing everything up. It will be worth it when I am looking into my future daughter or son's eyes and can thank myself body for providing me with such a wonderful miracle. 

On a different note...

I read an article today about body image and working out and such...I found it through Vanilla Bean Lean who posted it on facebook...it's from the blog Lift Big, Eat Big. So good, go read it!

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I conquered a regular ol' pizza with Ben last night..ahhh I know right?!! It was a challenge but it needed to be done. I told Ben just to get whatever kind he wanted and I would have it. And I did. Two slices plus some kobucha squash for old time sake! And guess what? I didn't die afterwards and in fact I didn't even feel all that uncomfortable :)

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Did anyone catch the premier of The Bachelorette Monday night??!!

I watched some of it but then Ben was getting bored so we switched to The Office instead, but I finished the episode online and it was pretty good. I like Emily and I am addicted to this show! Haha. 

Well, that's it for today loves! :)

Hope you're having a great weak <3