me, my dad, and ketchup...

The good times :)

As I mentioned yesterday in my post, I haven't always had the greatest relationship with my Dad. What this has to do with ketchup, well I'll get to that later. 

I can't really remember a time when I wasn't in a battle with my Dad...okay maybe when I was like six or something...

Before I was diagnosed with anorexia, my Dad and I would occasionally go golfing or snowboarding together but nothing special. He'd come to my soccer games and watch me play baseball, and other things like that. 

But he was much more interested in my brother, Cam. 

Old picture, but basically sums up me and Cam's relationship.

Golf was a huge part of my Dad and Cam's relationship. They would go out and play every day and he'd take Cam all over New England to play in golf tournaments. Everything was based around him and his golf. Even our one family vacation happened only because Cam had a tournament in Martha's Vineyard, and we made a trip out of it. It wasn't much fun, however. 

I felt a need to compete for my Dad's attention, so I started golfing more. I took lessons, did junior golf, went out and played with my Dad whenever he asked and then I started in tournaments as well. I thought that golfing was the only way to get my Dad to notice me. And it was. 

  

At a golf tournament.

 He always said how much of a natural I was and that I could make a living being a golfer, but he never once said anything about me being good at just being, well, ME. I hated golf after a while. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I did it because I knew my Dad was proud of me. 

In the summer before seventh grade, I started restricting and this is when things began to fall apart. I slowly pulled away from my Dad and started rebelling against him. I stopped playing golf altogether and I felt the disappointment from my Dad. I didn't care at this point. I was so far down death road to give a shit about what was going on with us. 

When my parents finally realized there was something wrong and that I had lost a massive amount of weight, I was so withdrawn it wasn't funny. Everything my Dad did upset me. I was sick and tired of hearing about Cam and his golf and I refused to go to any more tournaments to watch him play. 

Of course, my Dad was mad at me. All he would ever say is, "I don't deserve this." Oh god, how I hated that, because of course he deserved it. Didn't he know what was going on. Nope. 

There came a point where I actually got so fed up with my Dad and the things he would say and do that I just stopped talking to him altogether. When I saw him, I would avoid all possible conversation and give him the cold shoulder. I was a pro at this!

At this time, my Dad had no clue what was going on with me and the illness that he would still say things like, "Just have a hot dog and you'll be better" and, "Why can't you just eat?" Oh my goodness!

When I was really sick.

It took a long time to sort through my feelings about my Dad. I had a lot of pent up anger towards him and I still constantly felt like Cam was more important to him than me. I was sick of trying to impress him. But as I started getting older and realizing some things, I started to slowly forgive my Dad. It wasn't easy by any means!

It wasn't until maybe late in my senior year that I finally started talking to him again and being okay with seeing him. The thing that eventually led me to let some stuff go was that I was reading a book about how everything you hate in other people, you secretly hate about yourself. At first I didn't want to believe this. How could that be true? There was no way. 

But as I spent more time thinking and pondering on this idea, I started to see it. Some of the things I didn't like about my Dad, I didn't like about me too! Ahhh that's hard to say. I had to swallow my pride and just be honest with myself. I had traits of my Dad and that was that. 

I started to see my Dad in a new light. I finally was able to realize that he was just doing the best that he could, just like I was. And even though there were still things that pissed me off, I was able to let them roll off my shoulder and move on. 

Today, my relationship with my Dad is a whole lot better. I am so glad to say that I am able to spend time with my Dad and be proud of myself even if he still thinks that I should have perused golf! 

When I look back on the times with my Dad, being mad at him, not talking to him, etc., I have a lot of regrets, things I wish I never did, or did differently, but I can see now that what we went through was meant to happen and it made us and myself stronger in the long run. 

So, yes, the ketchup deal...well it really has nothing to do with my Dad really...last week I was looking at the ingredients on the ketchup bottle and there was all kinds of sugar and fructose; things I didn't like, so I looked around online to see how I could make my own, in order to avoid all those things. I came across this recipe from Spoonful of Sugar Free. 

Ingredients

12 oz. tomato paste

4 Tablespoons apple cider vinegar

1 Tablespoon mustard

1/4 cup+2 Tablespoons water

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon cloves

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

Combine all ingredients and whisk until combined. You may wish to blend in order to ensure the spices are evenly mixed throughout.

I put it in a tuber wear container and stuck it in the fridge before I used it. 

 Finished product!!...and it's super easy, healthier and yummy!

Okay, so when I spent two weeks at my Dad's, he ran out of ketchup and he was furious, so I made this stuff again and he ATE it! I was so proud. 

If you made it through all of that ramble, I'm impressed. Haha. 

It's almost Friday...BE HAPPY :)