a foodie penpal reveal and {some reasons to recover}

I won't lie, I've been putting off writing a post for some time now. I can't seem to find the words to describe how things are going lately. I'm not sure how to explain that some days have been so crazy good and then others I just feel like I'd rather be dead, it's so bad. 

To explain lightly, I am feeling overly gross and disgusting. Luckily, the herbs my acupuncturist gave me are helping with the bloating after meals and also with anxiety, so that isn't as horrible as before. It's just feeling "fat" that has been sucking the life out of me. 

Ben has been a huge help, though. He's such a sweetheart. 

Also, I've just been super busy and I am having a hard time finding time to write posts. I look at other blogs and wonder how they can post everyday and sometime even twice a day! How the hell? 

I started a new job that is during the day and I don't get home until five or so and by the time I have dinner, it's already seven. I have a hard time concentrating on things so when I don't feel like writing, it's difficult to get anything done besides watching tv and talking to Ben. 

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Okay enough with that stuff. I have a foodie pen pal to thank! 

Brooke over at Living on Love and Leftovers sent me a pretty sweet package full of things from Texas! I've never been there so it was cool seeing some different food and trying them. 

Lots of spicy foods! My mom loved the honey and was excited about trying the crab boil, as we've never heard of it before. 

Ben and I used the campfire dust that was made by Brooke's friend's dad on our burgers one night and it was very good!

I'm excited to try the other things when I find recipes to make. 

A lovely card<3 

  

Ben couldn't stop eating these spicy mango slices. They were seriously one of the best things in the world. I never knew mangoes tasted so good with chili spices on them haha!

My package that I sent off to Jennifer! Loaded with lots of different types of snacky foods :)

 If you want to find out how to be a part of this monthly wonderfulness head over to Lindsay's blog and check it out!

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On a completely unrelated note, since I've been feeling kinda down today in terms of recovery, I thought I'd list off some of the reasons to I have to recover.

1) To be free. No more going back and forth relentlessly with Ed about what I can and cannot eat. I will be free to have whatever I want and be okay with that. No more being chained down, I will be able to fly. 

2) To be able to have children. It's my biggest dream in life and if I mess it up by listening to Ed, I will lose it. 

3) To be happy. This means that I am happy with who I am, with my life, and with my relationships. Ed makes me focus on only the negatives, but life is only lived when your focus is on the positives. 

4) To be strong. I am sick of being seen as weak and fragile. As much as Ed loves it, I hate it. I want to be seen as strong and athletic, and someone who is healthy, not sick. 

5) To love myself. I'm slowly learning to love the real me, the me without Ed. I want to love myself and be my biggest fan. It'll get me so much farther in life, than any negativity will. 

There are more, but I'll stop there. I hope these will keep me going. One day at a time. One second at a time. Recovery is not easy, but since it's so hard, it must be worth it.  I hope so. 

Take care <3