Enjoy Life Again and {A New Blog?}

Hey all, 

So I'm pretty disappointed. I don't have a foodie pen pal post today because I haven't received my package yet :( 

Oh well. 

Also I didn't do a WIAW post the other day for several reasons, which I won't really go into but right now I think it's best for me to stay away from looking at what others eat and sharing mine because I get too caught up in the comparison game. 

Anywho...

In the mean time I want to share a product with you that was sent to me a couple of weeks ago from the Enjoy Life Foods company. 

I have formed a pretty awesome relationship with this company as you can probably tell from all of the reviews I have been doing on them. I really do love their products!

The food they sent me this time was their seed and fruit mixes. It's important to mention that there are no nuts involved here! (Although I have nothing against nuts!)

They sent me their two flavors: 

Mountain Mambo and Beach Bash

I loved them both. The mountain mambo was a tad bit better just because it has chocolate chips included! The beach bash had pineapple chunks though so that was good too!

Have you ever tried these mixes? If so, which did you like better?

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I've been going back and forth as to whether or not to mention my new blog. The other day I was going through my really old entries from back when I wasn't really blogging about food but rather just my everyday thoughts, and I liked reading them. I found a lot of good advice and motivation from some of them. It was interesting to see what I was going through and feeling back then. 

So anyways, I want to start doing that again and that's what the new blog is going to be for. I haven't written anything on it yet but here's the url: There's Freedom In Her Eyes

I will still be writing on here about food stuff and reviews and updates here and there but I will be documenting my everyday thoughts and struggles at the new blog so check it out once in a while if you want!

Have a great day loves!

Where's My Focus?

This was a conversation I had with Ben the other night that went a little something like this:

Me: "I figured out what my new goal is."

Ben: "Yeah?"

Me: "I wanna start eating really clean and lean up a bit."

Ben: ~just smiles~

Me: "What?"

Ben: "You can't afford to lean up Babe and you already eat as healthy as possible."

Me: "I wanna have better things, cut out sugar and stuff."

Ben: "What do you eat everyday? You never eat sugar."

Insert me thinking...

Ben: "What do you have for breakfast?"

Me: "Yogurt with things added in, lunch is usually a salad with tuna and nuts, snacks are granola bars and fruit, dinner is usually squash and sausage."

Ben: "And what did you want to cut out?"

Me: "Well, I use ketchup on my squash which has sugar in it. And...uh...I don't know, I eat too much peanut butter sometimes."

Ben: ~Laughter~

Me: "I tend to focus on the little things I eat that aren't as good instead of seeing that in reality everything I eat is like super healthy haha."

Ben: "Yeah I'm the opposite, like I'm proud of eating an orange today. That was my healthy food."

Me: ~laughs~

As you can see I have some issues. When I look back on my week, all I can think about is the chocolate chips I ate one night, and the little amount of sugar that's in the ketchup I use on my squash and maybe the extra tablespoons of peanut butter I ate as a snack. Why can't I be normal and just be able to see that I'm eating so freakin' healthy!? I don't get it.

I have been having some major body image issues lately...like every day to be exact. I can't seem to ever feel good about my body, no matter what. I lose weight and feel like shit and then I get strong and still feel like shit. Something's gotta give.

I hate the feeling of feeling fat. It's so annoying day in and day out. I just wish I could be happy with my body but all I focus on is how my arms look too big from the side and how I look "puffy" and how my stomach never seems flat anymore because I'm always bloated shitless. God, I hate this.

Some days I can block Ed out and be positive, but it seems lately, it's super hard and it takes a lot of mental strength to not listen to Ed.

It's hard because I log onto facebook and read blogs and all I see are photos of fitness guru's who have bodies like rocks and yet I can't see myself like that because I have a warped image of myself. I am really strong and lean but I can only see it on really good days.

I love the good days because I feel so proud of myself. My goal was to get stronger, and here I am, lifting heavy, pushing myself to add more weight and squatting more than I weigh without any problem. I have grown so much and have more confidence. But it's the days that aren't great that get me. I block every good thing out and can only see the flaws, where I want to be, what I want to have.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that changes don't happen overnight. I really have only been lifting heavy for about six months at the max. I mean come on, that's not enough time to see real progress. I must be more patient.

Anyhoo, I want to find a trainer/nutrition coach who can help me meet my goals, whatever they may be. I think I might seek out One Fit Foodie because I think she's great!

I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, I just have to continue to eat what I eat and lift heavy. It's as simple as that.

When I See Others Struggling

Recently I learned that two young girls I know, are struggling with eating disorders and my heart aches for them greatly.

I hate to hear that people are going through exactly what I had to go through because it was so awful and I never want to think that someone would have to face that kind of torture.

My heart dropped yesterday when my mom told me that my cousin had stopped eating and had lost a lot of weight. My first thought was, "Oh my gosh, I did this. They learned this from me." Of course I know this isn't true because my cousin lives in a entirely different state and I never really see her, but eating disorders run in families right? Right.

Anyhoo, I just feel horrible knowing that she and the other young girl are suffering like I did and there's really nothing I can do to help.

I wrote a letter to the other girl a couple of weeks ago just because I wanted to. I wanted to let her know that she wasn't alone and that I was here for her if she needed anything. I tried to write things that would have helped me when I was in her same situation seven years ago. I don't know if it helped at all.

It's a strange thing to talk about because I've been there, I've done the things these girls are just starting to do, i.e. skipping meals, exercising excessively, picking at their food, losing massive amounts of weight in short periods of time, etc. It's like I'm connected to them in some way and we all have the same things in common.

The one thing that stuck out at me the most was that these two girls love to bake. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, what's wrong with baking?" But baking, when you have an eating disorder is just a form of starving yourself. I used to cook and bake all kinds of things when I was deep into my anorexia, but I would never ever in a million years eat any of it. I would watch with hunger pains as everybody else ate everything. Hearing that this is what these girls like makes me sad. I know this is just another symptom to the illness now and it hurts to see others fall victim to Ed's lies.

I wish I could tell them that Ed is a liar and is no good. He will bring nothing good into your life whatsoever. He will take your mind and warp it until there is no turning back. He will take everything good and make it bad. He will steal things from you when you're not looking, like your friends and your good grades, and your social life. He will run your body into the ground until you are no longer living, just surviving. But most of all, he will make you believe you have complete control when in reality, you are the puppet being controlled by him day in and day out.

I wish I could tell these girls so many things, but I can't because I know it won't do much unless they know they need help. I know that when I was deep into my ED, there was nothing anyone could do or say that would help me until I finally bucked up and realized I needed help and was willing to listen.

I'm not really sure where I am going with this post but I just had to get that out. I just want to help and not have to hear about these girls suffering. I want them to be happy and avoid ending up where I was, because once you're sucked in a little, it turns into a never-ending cycle that is a bitch to get out of.

WIAW: Product Loving

I like new products and I like taking photos of new products which inevitably means you get to view my recent finds. Aren't you excited?

This isn't a typical What I Ate Wednesday post but a big thank you still goes out to Jenn over at Peas and Crayons for putting this together every week!

1. Bee Pollen Granules 

I like these because they're awesome durr. No, but really, bee pollen is a wonder food (check it out here!) and these granules are easy to mix into yogurt which I love. 

2. Chicken in a bag?

Yep! It's just like tuna in a packet but it's chicken. These are real easy for a fast lunch when I don't have time to prepare a real meal. 

Recent Lunch: Chicken from the bag with kale and mustard!

 3. Fig bar.

Pure fig? You heard that right! These bars are the bomb. 

 4. Foods Alive Maca and Cacao.

Foods Alive were so gracious and let me pick out $25 worth of goodies from their website (all I paid was shipping!) so I chose maca powder and raw cacao powder. Both are especially healthy for you so it's a win!  Maca, I read, is good for strength, energy, and endurance and raw cacao is full of antioxidants, magnesium, and all the B vitamins! Awesome right?!!

 5. Plant Fusion Protein.

I was sent these samples from Plant Fusion and tried them out right away. Check out some of the ingredients:

Not sure if you can read that but it says artichoke protein, amaranth powder, and quinoa powder! How much better can it get? 

Well, the taste wasn't too great, but I can get over that because of all the goodness I am feeding my body with! 

6. ZipFizz.

I have been searching for this stuff ever since I read about it on someone's blog and I finally found it! It's so good OMG!

7. Coconut Cream Pie Larabar!

Can someone please wake me from this dream? This was to-die-for! 

8. Pistachios.

I never knew I could love a nut so much, but these things are them! 

9. Metromint Chocolate Water. 

Metromint is like the best water that was ever invented! I mean chocolate water? What could ever be better than that?!!

10. Gigantic zucchini!  

'Nough said.

and

11. My Feet!

This is what happens when you wear flip flops all summer and work outside all day. Major tan lines going on here. It's okay to be jealous. 

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Since my last post was on the horribly negative side, I'll end with some positive thoughts thanks to Pinterest!

Have a good day loves!

Hey it's Okay...

So...a lot of people have been doing these sorts of posts so I figured I'd join. Warning, this post may be overly negative.

Hey it's okay...

...to do absolutely nothing on a Sunday. I tried going for a walk, but even that turned out to be a bad idea.

...to cry for the whole day straight. I was a reck yesterday and now I'm paying for it with my red and swollen eyes.

...to get so frustrated at my new car that I just want to run it into the woods. I just want to be able to drive a damn standard.

...to want to go home. I want my home back, and the mountains, and my best friend.

...to get upset when others are better than you. There always seems to be something someone does better than me and I can't stand it.

...to want my mom. I just want to have my mom be here when I need her. Phone calls just don't do justice.

...to watch the weirdest movie ever...and like it. On a whim I chose to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I wasn't sure what was going on at all but hey it was good.

...to wish sometimes my memory was erased. There's some things I wish I could forget. Actually make that many things.

...to want to call in sick to work. Sitting in bed all day being poopy seems a hell of a lot better than cleaning at the moment.

...to be negative. It's been a long time and it's needed. I think.

...to want to just be a kid again. Responsibilities and feelings suck.

...to be sorry. Sorry for this post.

not another survey...

So I found this survey on someone's blog (can't remember who) and thought it'd be cool to do it. I like survey's cause they're an easy post so I don't have to think much! 

Enjoy. 

1. What did you want to be when you were younger?

I wanted to move to Africa and be an aid worker there. Not sure why but there was something about the children's faces that drew me in and made me smile. I still want to do something like this now so if the money and opportunity comes along I'm in!

2. Do you enjoy breakfast, lunch, or dinner more?

Breakfast for sure. I always wake up looking forward to my yogurt and fruit!

3. Are you a clean freak or constantly putting it off?

Both. I constantly put things off until I can't stand how dirty things are and then I go on a cleaning rampage and organize everything. 

4. Have you ever had any serious injuries?

I broke my pelvis when I was ten. It's a long story but part of a piano fell on me. I'm still convinced though, that my brother pushed it on top of me ;) 

5. Do you prefer the summer or winter?

Spring and Fall. I hate the freezing cold and I hate the humidity. I'll take a nice Spring or Fall day, seventy degrees with a slight breeze. Mmm yes. 

6. If you could meet any celebrity or someone from the past, who would it be?

Keith Urban or Jake Owen or Ryan Gosling. Mmmm yums. 

7. Are you a sports fan?  If so, who’s your favorite team?

Boston Bruins baby. It's the only thing I'll watch. 

8. Have you ever visited any places outside of the United States?

Does Canada count? I will be going to Spain next summer though with my mom to go hiking so that will be my first time! Can't wait. 

9. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Married with maybe a little girl or boy and working on opening my cupcake shop. 

10. Which do you like more: running or strength training?

Strength training for sure. I only run when I have to haha. 

11.What’s your favorite movie?

There's too many to name, I like so many different ones!

Variety is the Spice of Life {WIAW}

Hi. 

So it's Wednesday and by now I should have a new car. Yes. A new car! Ben and I bought one finally after all the exhausting searching and research. I'm just so glad it's over...I hate car shopping.

Anyhoo, we settled on a Nissan Altima. It's used but it's new to us :) 

This is obviously not ours, but it's similar!

Oh the other thing about this car is that we don't know how to drive it yet. Why you ask? It's a manual and neither of us know how to drive one. I hope we learn fast. Ha. 

Moving on. 

Because it's Wednesday I will be sharing my food from the week once again because that's what bloggers do. Thank you Jenn, you're spectacular! 

Apparently last week I missed the theme (like I stick to a theme anyway...), so this week the theme is Summer Staples! 

I love summer. I hate the heat though, so Spring is nice. Better than freezing cold snow and ice right? I think so. 

Anyhoo,

I don't usually eat that much different in the summer except you'll probably find more fresh veggies and fruit obviously. 

This week I have actually found  a lot of new foods to try. I mentioned some of them in a previous post but I have also been more creative with my meals. I've added VARIETY to my life. Go me. 

I kept reading on different blogs that their breakfast was eggs and oats and because I'm mainly a follower, I decided to try it out. I cooked up three eggs whites and one whole egg in a pan, threw in a lot of salt and peeper and way to much mustard and got this mess. It was delicious though! 

I followed my eggs with 5 grain oat cereal cooked over the stove with some cinnamon and peach slices. I added some stevia for sweetness and it tasted like fresh apple crisp! Wonderful. 

I've never been a huge fan of eggs or oats so this was definitely a change from my regular yogurt. I am usually reluctant to switch up my breakfast because I fear that it won't fill me up and I'll end up having to eat again real soon which Ed hates. But I challenged myself and it turned out to be awesome!

When the time did roll around that I was hungry again, I ate. 

If you've never had one of these Organic Food Bars, oh man, you're totally missing out on living. I picked the protein one because I had just gotten back from the gym and my body was searching for a pick-me-up. I pulled this bad boy out from my frozen stash of bar (I have a huge bag of bars stored in the freezer for times like this) and slowly began to eat my way through it. 

This was no ordinary bar though. This bar has 330 calories and 22grams of protein! At first I was nervous about the amount of calories I would be consuming in just this one bar but then I asked myself weather or not I wanted to recover and my answer was yes. So I preceded to eat this fabulous bar filled with Organic Almond Butter, Organic Brown Rice Protein, Organic Date, Organic Premium Agave Nectar, Organic BioSprouts-Flax, Organic Biodynamic (Demeter) Raisins, Organic Sesame Seeds and Lots of Love!

I recommend these highly :)

Sticking with my challenge of eating more calories during the day I made this amazing 

lunch. 

I started with this salmon that was on sale at the store. This is the best thing ever by the way!

Then I added this wonderful Eat Well, Enjoy Life Hummus. The company had sent me some free coupons and once I found it, I was in heaven. 

Spicy Red Lentil Chipotle Hummus! Can you really get any better than that? 

I mixed the salmon with the hummus and added some fresh pepper and tomato. So good. 

I then cooked a sweet potato for a healthy starch! 

A good lunch I'd say!

I wasn't too hungry before dinner but I had some grapes just cause I like them. 

When dinner rolled around I remembered that I had some hard boiled eggs from the day before so I made myself a salad. 

Spinach, peppers, cucumbers, two hard boiled eggs, and topped with homemade dressing made with mustard and soy sauce! YUMS. 

I enjoyed this with this new flavor of al fresco sausage. This is my favorite stuff ever!

I had to work late so I ended up having a later snack than usual but this is what I ate. 

Chobani plain Greek yogurt mixed with Nutribiotic rice protein topped with Bob's Red Mill Muesli...this was a match made in heaven. It's almost the same texture as cookie dough and tasted wonderful. 

So that's my day. Lots of food and lots of fun!

Have a good Wednesday.