waiw: a rough night {with a turnaround}

I'll admit it. Sunday night I had a complete meltdown. I don't know what happened. Okay, that's a lie. Ed is what happened.

Here's the scoop. I was at Ben's house and we were about to have dinner. His mom was making a pork dish, essentially pork and rice. Anyways, I was planning on having some but when I walked out to get it, I saw his mom dump a huge hunk of butter in it. This is when panic set in.

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Thanks to Jenn at Peas and Crayons for just being her amazing self!

Breakfast: Chobani plain yogurt, Cherries, GG Bran crips, Jessica's chocolate granola, orange NuNaturals.

I've been trying to have a larger breakfast so I don't have to feel like I'm stuffing my face at night. It's not easy but it's worth it. 

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It wasn't my normal panic. This was like an, omfg-get-me-out-of-here-I-want-to-go-home type of panic. I ran to the bathroom so I could compose myself. I failed.

When I walked out, Ben asked what was wrong so I told him. "I can't eat that".

He had a hard time comprehending my reason. Durrr. Normal people wouldn't care if butter was used or not. I am obviously not normal. But we all knew that.

Anyhoo, I preceded back and worth in my head, discussing the matter with Ed before coming to the conclusion that I would just have a little, but then I heard Ben ask, "aren't you gonna have rice?"

Hell no! God this was too overwhelming. I looked at him and just broke down. I couldn't keep myself from crying. I can just imagine what he was thinking.

"Oh my god, what is wrong with this girl?"

I know right. What is wrong with me? It's so crazy what a little butter will do to me. I was completely a mess. I made my way back to his room and continued my crying spell.

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Lunch {at work}: Cottage cheese, blueberries, protein powder, vanilla NuNaturals, and a brand new Uber LaraBar! I was blown away at how good these were. 

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I cried until my eyes literally hurt, which was painful. Fuck.

To make a long story short, I ended up not eating until eight and made myself an Amy's burrito and a sweet potato. It was hellish.

Looking back, I wish I could have just sucked it up and ate the damn dish, but if it was to happen all over again tonight, I am ashamed to say, I still wouldn't try it.

Butter is fear.

I'm starting to think this whole Ed thing is just my fate. It'll be inside me for life. God, that's depressing. I hope that's not the case.

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Dinner: Al Fresco Sausage tossed in a salad with kobucha squash with Total Omega Swirl from Barleans! Yums. 

Snack: Coconut pop! Heaven in my mouth. 

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The only way to get rid of Ed is to challenge him, I know this, and yet do I ever do it? Rarely. When I'm feeling good I will. But when I'm not? Well that's another story.

Ed is comfort still. He still sucks me in to his promises. And he still wins.

Some days I win though, and I have to keep those in mind. Positives, Tay. Focus on them.

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On a more positive note, I went to the gym this morning and worked out in the weight room! I did legs. Woot!
I'm so proud of myself<3

Have an awesome day sweet peas!!!